Sweet Cottage

On Monday, we took a Trip to Coromandel, on the East coast of the North Island. After five hours of driving and stopping, we had finally arrived at Coromandel town, and started to look for the right motel to stay at.  The plan had been to stay at Coromandel for one night, head down South towards Waihi, and stay they second night at Tauranga.

The first Motel we looked at had names for each cabin, with spa baths in each of the units.  It was cute, but the price for 3 people was $155/night! We told the host that we'd talk about it.  The second one we stopped at was quite spacious. The unit had a living room, a bedroom with a king size bed in it, and another bedroom with two single beds in it. And of course, with a room that large, the price couldn't have been cheap! It was $165 per night.  We carried on looking.


After driving through the Coromandel town three times and seeing a sign for a motel up a long hill, we finally decided we would stop there and ask for the price.  The sign for the motel said "Celadon Cottages". We had no idea what to expect of a cottage.  In the office, the host and his (probably about 21 year old) daughter were friendly and warm. The daughter showed us a room that would be $105 a night for the three of us.  As soon as I walked into the room, I was stunned speachless! It was a block of rooms, with all of the rooms connected to each ther by doors.  There was even a sun deck.  This room was just too cute!


As the 21 year old girl showed us another room that would $95 a night, I waved at my dad, who was in the car, for him to come look at this room. I told him that I could not even describe it! I asked the girl if we could see the other room again, and when dad saw it, we decided that this was the place we wanted to stay.  I felt bad that we had to lie to the owners about sneaking in a dog, since they had been so friendly and hospitible, so we told them that we had a dog.  She said that it was fine, it's only an extra $10 for the cleaning! So the cutest cottage unit stay ever, and it costed $30 less than all the other motels! It's just amazing!


Unfortunately, the weather was quite terrible, so we only ended up staying the one night in Coromandel, then headed back to Auckland the next day.  On the way back to Auckland, we visited the Train and Pottery show, which was pretty cute.  I really enjoyed it.

Acceptance

Lord,

grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change,

courage 

to change the things I can

and wisdom 

to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

This prayer has become very helpful to me.  Even though I am not an alcoholic or drug addict, the meaning of this prayer helps me get through the day.  When something happens that gets me angry or worked up, I recite the first three lines in my head.  It has become important for me to understand, accept the things that are out of my control, and to focus on the things that I can change for myself, to better myself towards the goals that will make me happier.  

Even though it has been hard for me to keep my composure, it is a work in progress.  I just need to remind myself to take deep breaths, and accept things that I cannot change, because no matter how frustrated I am, the things that happen are still going to happen, with or without me.

I know this is kind of a short blog, but for me, it is an important one. 

Fear

I'm not sure how I came to learn to fear people who had been drinking.  Maybe it was that trip away, when I was six, where my mother had half a glass of wine, and her screeching laughter sounded like an evil witch.  Perhaps it was that particular night, many, many years ago, when my father was so drunk, my mother told me to push my bed against my bedroom door to sleep at night, because my door did not lock.  Maybe it was all the roaring arguments I'd hear late at night, because my father had worked his way into a bottle of vodka. Or could it be something that I witnessed when I was so young, that I couldn't even recall?

For as long as I remember, I have disliked, been impatient with, or have been just plain annoyed with people, espeically men, who would even have one beer.  I've always known that I didn't like it when people close to me drank.  But I never really knew why.  I'd always try to rationalize, that I dont like the smell or the taste, or, my latest rationalization, I don't know if they're sober enough to comprehend or remember what I say to them.  But it wasn't till very recently, that I felt something deeper within me.  Fear.

While alone in the house, late at night, with no one but my father, who had begun drinking since 4pm, and my dog, Charlie, who is as gentle as a labrador could be, I decided it was time for bed.  I heard dad's footsteps stomp up the stairs, and then some noises that sounded like screaming.  I wondered if maybe he was on the phone, either laughing to his mistress, or yelling at my mother.  I cracked my door open so I could better make out the words he was slurring.  He was taunting Charlie, in a way a highschool bully would a kid whose head was being shoved into a toilet bowl.  That was when I felt it.  I feared for Charlie's life.  I knew that if my mother was home, if dad tried to do anything, she would stop him.  But I was too scared to go up there.  I was too scared to confront him while he was drunk.  I feared for my life, too.

I came to realise that the father I once trusted so completely, I no longer did.  He gave me fear.  Fear for my life, fear for my mother's, and fear for my animals'.

Computer Science

So at Uni right now, in my Compsci 111G class. We're learning all abou the internet and email and blogs and all such.  It's kind of exciting, especially since I haven't posted on my blog for so long, it's about time for a new entry.

Now... what happened this morning. Well, I was woken up an hour early by an obnoxious mosquitoe that wouldn't leave me alone. I decided to get a start on the day, so maybe I won't be late for the train. The train was at 8.52am, and even though I had a head start, the traffic slowed me down pretty good. Oh! The corner spa came in just as I was about to back out the driveway. That caused a little bit of delay. Then, since I missed the train and was at Sylvia Park already, I decided to go get my hair cut. Exciting! I've been wanting to get my hair cut for months! (No exageration!) By the time I came out of the salon, it was 9.30, so I dashed into my car and vrooomed off onto the streets. Traffic. Jam. I barely made it to class on time, and I parked in a 90 min parking space for a 3 hour class.

Speaking of which! I gotta go move my car!!!

Leaving Illinois

I can't believe I have been here for 2 weeks. The time just flew past without me even noticing.  I had such a fantastic time with Karl, and all of Karl's family. Everyone was just so nice. And being able to live with Karl, be with him 24/7, and sleep next to him. I had a really great time, and wish I could stay.

Right now, sitting at the Los Angeles airport, waiting for my next flight, which is in 6 hours time. I'm feeling pretty bummed. I feel like I should be looking forward to going home, but I'm really not. After these 2 weeks, I feel like there is nothing there for me at home. In Illinois, I had fanstastic, fun loving, kind family. And I had Karl. Going home to New Zealand seems almost pointless. I really don't want this to end.
 
I miss him already. I feel it in the pit of my stomach.  On the flight from St Louis to Los Angeles, images of Karl kept popping into my head. Some make me smile, some make me cry. 

I remember:

• the first day I arrived in St Louis. Karl came up behind me, kicked me in the back of my backpack, and then we hugged and walked down the corridor and met his Mom and Stepdad. Then we had a long, blissful ride to Illinois where we ate dinner.
• us playing Super Mario Bros Wii with the family. Everytime we all died, we'd laugh, and he'd look at me with a look of adoration in his eyes.
• every night, when we were sleeping, he'd turn over and put his arms around me, kiss me, and tell me he loves me.
• that first morning, he woke up. He looked at me sadly and said "Did you break up with me?" He told me he had a dream that I broke up with him, he was so scared.
• the night he held me as he was falling asleep, and he said "Ruby? Will you marry me?" And my stupid response of "seriously?"
• that day he threw a tantrum about me posting his photos on facebook, and the apology afterward. The way we hugged, and the way he told me he loved me.
• the car ride back up to St Louis. He looked at me with his glistening eyes, and smiled at me and mouthed "I love you", and he squeezed my hands. That pushed me over the edge. He watched my reaction, and said "don't do it..." And low and behold, tears flowed out of my eyes.
• the moment before he went through security. He held me so tight, and told me to stay strong.

Right now, I wish only for two things to happen sooner. First is that he would get to Seattle, and text me. I just want to hear from him. I want to hear his voice. I want to be comforted by him. I want to tell him I love him. And I miss him already.  The other is that I wish the time for my flight would come sooner. So I can get on the plane and go to sleep or stare out the window and not feel like I have eyes on me while I cried. And that way, I would get home sooner, and hop into bed and really sob till I get it fully out of my system.

I love him so much. I am so greatful that I found someone like him. I hope I will never do anything that would make him leave. I never want to lose him.

The Flight to Paradise

We are now... well, to be honest, I have no idea where we are. But we've been flying for about 6 hours now... I think. I was sleeping for most of it. Or at least, trying to. The lady sitting in front of me is pretty abnoxious. She's been talking real loud since she sat down! Some time about 2 hours ago, she managed to spill her cups (yes, cups. As in, plural) of beer on the seats, and instantly blamed the lady sitting in front of her for having her seat too far leaned back. She went on about it for 30 minutes, to anyone that so much as looks at her. "Look around! Everyone else's seats are upright! Her seat was too far back!"  

While I was asleep, she talked super loud to the guy next to him (whom, I assume, is her husband) about the movies that were on. I remember her saying something about... the Social Network Channel? Anyway, everytime she talked, I thought there was an announcement, and perked my ears up and listened.

On another note, it being 10.30ish now, I hope Charlie is coping okay at home by himself. I hope he's been fed and played with, though I am sure he's probably in no mood to play or to eat. I had to put him in the laundry along with his bed before I left this afternoon. He was very unwilling. I miss him already.

I am looking forward to finding out mum and dad's progress on looking at the phones. I really want the milestone 2. I can't stop thinking about it! Hopefully I'll be more distracted from it once I get to St Louis.


I think there is 4 more hours on this flight before we start to descend. It's dark out. I was watching the moon and the stars earlier. The stars were so bright and beautiful. Unfortunately, Im sitting at a seat that is right in the middle of the wing, so there isn't much room to look down. However, I did look at the international flight route map, and looks like from Auckland to Los Angeles, it's pretty much just ocean anyway. Boring!

The motion sickness pill has made me pretty drowsy.  I cant seem to stay up for long at a time. My eye lids are heavy. Not to mention my eyes feel super dry too!  I'm not sure if wearing my glasses for the first time in a week would help with that or make it worse. I guess we'll see!

Anyway, just trying to find something to pass the time with. Though, I'll probably just end up sleeping again.

Almost There

GUESS WHAT! Only 12 days till I am finally going to America to see my boyfriend! I'm so excited! I am so looking forward to seeing my boyfriend. I will finally get to spend full 24/7 s with him for 2 whole weeks! Eeep! Yes. We are in a long distance relationship. Afterall, we did meet on the internet. On World of Warcraft for that matter. We've known each other for coming up to six years now, and have been in a relationship for a little over 2 years.

Do my parents approve? Well, no... they don't really. My mother's okay with it. But my father. He has problems with everything I do, and everyone I date, so I really don't see why he wouldn't have a problem with this. No, he's had a problem with my relationship with Karl from the first day I told him. I had the idea that I wanted to go visit him over a year ago, but he didn't like the idea. He didn't trust that Karl wouldn't rape me and chop me up into pieces. So finally, I convinced Karl to come here first. He still wasn't happy about it. He just had to be difficult about EVERYTHING! Well, Karl turned out to be a really fantastic guy, even my father thought so himself. But he still doesn't like the relationship. Making excuses left and right, not being able to keep his story straight, I just got really tired of listening to him.

Anyway, 12 days till I get to see Karl. That's what I need to focus on. No negative thoughts. Just Karl. He is the reason for my everything. I love him so much.